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10.01.2014

SUPER-Parents

I am fairly certain parents are superheroes.
The phrase "super-mom" might have you picturing someone who works full-time, always has a hot meal ready for dinner, finds time to play with her kids at the park AND sew them fun play clothes, is extremely organized, and always has a clean home. Those are awesome, maybe even super-qualities, but when I say superhero I am referring to SUPER POWERS! 

X-Ray Vision
I can see that tiny dinosaur my son is hiding in his back pocket, or that toy car he quietly put into his backpack, thinking he will sneak them off to school without me knowing. 

Super Hearing
Even when I am in a different room, the TV is on, the dog is barking, and I am talking on the phone, I can hear my oldest son whisper to his little brother, "You should put your yogurt on you head!"

I am in my car parked outside of the daycare building, but I can distinctly hear my child's cry from inside the daycare that is full of kids. 

Built-In Lie Detectors 
Me: "Did you wash your hands"
Son: "YES MOM!"
Me: "No you did not, go wash your hands"
Son: "How did you know? Why does this always happen to me?"

Mom: "Where were you?"
Daughter: "At So-And-So's house, like I said already."
Mom: "Ok, so... where were you?"
Daughter: "OMG, Mom, I JUST told you *rolls eyes*!!"
Mom: "Where. Were. You?"
Daughter: "UHGGG, at THE MALL! You never let me do anything fun!"

Danger Intuition
When a dad comes home from work and knows before he even steps through the front door that its been a very difficult day (and instinct tells him to stay in the car for just a few more minutes). 

I am several feet away from my boys for about 5 minutes, and I know something bad is happening (usually because it has been quiet for more than 30 seconds).

Precognition 
Before my eyes have fully adjusted to the early morning light after sleeping for several hours, I pretty much know if it will be an easier day, or if it will be a particularly rough day. 

Super Strength
The ability to carry a weeks worth of groceries, a baby carrier, two sippy-cups, and your son's baseball gear from the car to the house in one trip.  

Psychic Ability 
When I am turned away from my husband talking to someone and he hears them comment, "you're kids are so amazing, you're so lucky to have such well behaved children!" He knows in my head I am thinking, "Are you CRAZY, lady? These kids are little terrors! Do you really like them that much? You can totally have them!" 

When my child walks up to me and says "apadee" I know this means he is thirsty. When my child walks up and points to the ground and says "there" I know this means he fell down and hit his knee on the ground, somewhere at some point in his existence. 

I am hoping the next set of abilities us parents master are... cloning (so we can be in two places at once, duh) and teleporation (because driving around from here to there is such a hassle, and it is better for the environment). 

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