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11.07.2013

In Response To "Marriage Isn't For Me"

If you haven't read the post, Marriage Isn't For Me, well... then you probably don't use social media. Please, take a few minutes to read the post, it's likely to surprise you.
This is Seth, the writer, and his wife Kim, on their wedding day.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.” - Excerpt from Seth's Post

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul. - Excerpt from Seth's Post
How beautiful are his father's words "marriage isn't for you"? I love his straight forward advice. There is no sugar coating. Equally as beautiful are Seth's examples; "Selfishness demands, 'What's in it for me?', while Love asks, 'What can I give?'" I completely agree, marriage is not for your gain, it is bringing two people together in love and if what Seth says is true, that love is a continuous pouring into each other, "What can I give you?" "NO, what can I give YOU!"

It makes me happy to read this. How lovely would the world be if everyone realized this small fact, to love others? It would become a much more joyful place to live, in a society that loves to love.

But...

What happens when the pouring out of yourself remains one sided, and your spouse doesn't accept that love as enough? Who will continue to fill YOU up, so you can continue to love your spouse, even when it's difficult?

What happens when your wife changes her mind, no longer wants to start a family, decides she would rather not become a mother, but you still want to be a dad?

What happens when your love doesn't seem to heal the hurt and brokenness in your marriage?

Is that your get-out-of-jail-free card? "I loved you and that wasn't adequate, so I give up."
I am an expert on marriage (not in the slightest bit), but I am passionate about the honesty and truth in a truly beautiful marriage! When it becomes tiredsome to love unconditionally, we have someone to turn to in our fatigue (Exodus 15:2). God is faithful to fill us up so that we can continually pour our love, Christ's love in us, into the lives of others (Romans 15:13). 

Therefore, I agree that marriage isn't for me. 
However, it's not for my spouse either. 
Marriage is all about God. Not me. Not you. But Jesus. 

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