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7.28.2013

In response to "My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate"

I loved reading the blog post, My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate, written by Hannah of The Art In Life. Please go and read it if you have not already.
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"I wouldn’t want to imagine life without James. I enjoy being with him more than anyone else in this world. I love him more than I ever thought you could love someone, and I miss him whenever I am not with him. I wouldn’t want to married to anyone else other than James, which is good, because I plan on being married to him forever, and he has to die first.
But I reject the entire premise of soul mates." - Quote from Hannah's post

"But now I delight in choosing to love him everyday.
I like it better this way, with the pressure on me and not on fate, cosmos, or divinity. I will not fall out of love, cannot fall out of love, because I willingly dived in and I’m choosing daily to stay in. This is my joyous task, my daily decision. This is my marriage." - Quote from Hannah's post. 


She wrote this around the time of her one year wedding anniversary. A brief overview of the post is that she is sharing her belief that God did not promise her a husband in His plan for her life. God did not specifically set apart her husband to be the only man for her, or her soul mate, rather that He desires for His children to be made holy, not to marry a specific person, and to choose to love your spouse if you decide to have a marriage.

"And then he gave me some of the best relationship advice I ever got: There is no biblical basis to indicate that God has one soul mate for you to find and marry. You could have a great marriage with any number of compatible people. There is no ONE PERSON for you. But once you marry someone, that person becomes your one person. As for compatibility, my mom would always pipe up when my girlfriends and I were making our lists of what we wanted in a spouse (dear well meaning Christian adults who thought this would help us not date scumbags: that was a bad idea and wholly unfair to men everywhere) that all that really mattered was that he loved the lord, made you laugh, and was someone you to whom you were attracted. The rest is frosting." - Copied from the post, My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate. 

I agree with a lot of this post. I believe that many people expect to feel exciting, passionate love all the time, and when those butterflies are gone, they assume that they have fallen out of love. I again agree with Hannah in that I must choose my husband every single day! Choose to love him, and when I am so fulfilled in Christ, I am satisfied in the ways my husband loves me back (it helps that my husband loves Jesus above all things, too). Honestly, it is not easy to love like this all the time! But because I am loved by a forgiving and gracious Savior who desires that I be more like Jesus, I can run to Him in my weakness and He can make my heart new.

"Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." - Psalm 51:7-12

I also like that she mentions that not everyone is supposed to get married. It is not a promise written in the Bible for God to give to His children. When it comes to being a christian, God has a better opportunity to be your everything when your heart is solely for Him and not also shared intimately with your spouse.

"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." -1 Corinthians 7:32-35
On the other hand, it is kind of difficult for me to believe that God had no say or opinion on who I married, but only that my marriage be one that is on par with His desire for what marriage will look like as a whole. And maybe I am wrong in this view, and that is exactly what He desires for marriage (maybe it's like what Hannah said, that most people like to believe they found their "one person" and I just don't want to believe that Mr. Man and I were NOT destined to be together). I love Mr. Man so very much and I desire (on most days) to love him more. I want my love for him to bring him closer to Christ and the Bible provides me with guidance on how powerful love is (1 Corinthians 13:1-13).
God knows me so intimately (Psalm 139:13-16) that it's hard to think he didn't know ahead of time, and plan for the man who I would be made one with. (Genesis 2:24). I know that if Mr. Wolf or myself were to die, and the living spouse re-married that it wouldn't be as though we lost our soul mate and settled for another person, but rather that God had a plan for our lives and it would have brought both spouses to us, to help us look more like Christ. I really feel that God has a hand over my most intimate worldly relationship, my marriage to my husband. And while I do not think it was fate, rather Christ, that brought Mr. Wolf and I to each other, I am confident that it is Christ who keeps us together.

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." - Ephesians 5:1-2

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